It blows my mind that my third novel, I’M NOT REALLY HERE, is published today. There was a long time in my life that I held onto a dream that one day I might have a book published. And here I am, three books later. My first two books have been shortlisted for numerous awards, even won a couple, and now, my third novel is published.

In a lot of ways, I’m Not Really Here is a message to my teen self. Teen Gary was closeted, angry, confused, and in Jonah, I have written a character who has already accepted his sexuality by the time we meet him. He’s embraced it, even.

Teen Gary was also grieving, trying to make sense of his mother’s sudden passing. This book began with the idea of a boy who didn’t know how to navigate grief, who had yet to confront the death of his mother. That was very much me for a long time. I really wanted to explore that idea in a story, and that’s why I love writing fiction so much: because you can explore things in a way that allows you to enhance and navigate the things you fear or don’t understand through another’s eyes. Maybe some of the time you make sense of it, maybe you don’t. The point, though, is to provide an experience and a character that readers can resonate with and engage with.

I recently re-read the book from start to finish, as I did with my other novels. It’s a kind of final read-through I like to do. I was nervous that I might beat myself up with the way I’d written certain scenes, or maybe I hadn’t explored something as well as I could have. And while I can definitely say there are some things I’d like to do better, I am extremely happy with what I’ve written. There are all these funny, little moments in the book – Jonah’s thoughts, his interactions with his brothers, exchanges between him and other characters – that I think readers will love. There are scenes filled with emotional weight that will make readers empathise with Jonah. They will feel his pain, his joy, his excitement, his worries, his insecurities. There’s something about Jonah that feels so real to me. Maybe because I wrote him, and he lived in my head for so long. Maybe because so much of his story mirrors my own in my teen years. Maybe because I kind of think of him as a son, in a way.

The thing I love most about books are the emotional connections I make with characters. I think Jonah might just be my best one yet.

I wrote this story from the bottom of my heart, and now it belongs to the readers. I hope it means as much to you as it does to me.

I’m Not Really Here is out now!